I can't help but feel this overwhelming sense of guilt for what happened with Andrew. That maybe if we'd been on good terms, I'd have stopped the him and Audi from going back to OCH again; after all they didn't have permission this time. I played my part in this, and if things had been different... I just wish the were different.
I'm resorting to writing this post, in the hopes that forcing myself to organize my thoughts and to logically recognize what has happened will make me pull myself together. It's not really working. I'm just reading back and wondering how I could possibly sound so cold and detached about a friend. Some things just don't translate. I need to pull myself together; someone needs to keep the project going. No more filming, but something needs to be done with what we've already finished, to complete our project.
But not just yet. I'm only human. It hasn't really sunk in yet. I need time. I know it will all pass. Things will eventually work out.
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